Day 23

This will be quick because I'm tired.

Breakfast 1:
3 whites + 2 yolks
Sausage

Breakfast 2:
Eggs + scallions
1/2 a buttermilk biscuit

Lunch:
Wahoo's Banzai bowl - teriyaki chicken, grilled veggies, beans, pico

Dinner:
I'm gonna rummage through the kitchen right now. Who knows what gems I'll find?

Day 22

I realize this day (22) seems like a huge jump, but I just realized that I haven't been jumping numbers on Jour de Farce days. So there's that.

"What about yesterday's blog, Luke?" you may be asking. Well, I'll be honest, I was totally off the wagon yesterday.

I didn't go crazy or anything. Well, I did a little. I figured my first breakfast in the new place should be substantial. I made scratch biscuits and gravy with eggs and bacon. Then a sandwich and left over pizza. No excuses. I just got lazy.

Back on it today. Sort of. This is my last week and I can tell you from experience that (TMI WARNING) jumping right back into a regular diet will wreck your insides.

Today:

Breakfast:
Eggs
Black beans
Salsa

Lunch 1:
Chicken tortilla soup

Lunch 2:
Green salad with bacon, turkey, tomato

Dinner (here's where I start to get back to reality):
Goulash- ground beef, pasta shells, and tomato sauce

I'm down 12 pounds.

Jour de Farce #3

Oh man. I needed this one after this week.

Lemon-filled donut
Strawberry frosted donut w sprinkles
Coffee w milk and sugar
Leftover Pei Wei
-Mongolian beef
-Sweet and sour chicken
-Fried rice
Cherry coke
Half of a Little Caesars pizza (thanks, The Sanchez Group)
Crazy bread
Lipton Brisk iced tea
Sour Patch Kids
Ribeye - off my NEW GRILL!
Loaded baked potato
Caesar salad
Chocolate chip cookie marshmallow puff sandwich (thanks Kyle)
Milk
Another chocolate chip cookie

All that food came in at around 3800 calories. Which is not the worst thing in the world since I blew it last night and what's going to happen 10 hours from now. Stay tuned!

Day 18

Well, the wheels came off today. It had to happen. Here's what went down.

Breakfast:
Veggie egg scramble at work

Snack:
Tasting various items at work, as I always do.

And that was it before we started to move. Three stories up and down I don't know how many times.

We got moved in. Went to the store for some stuff. We picked up some dinner.... and that's where the wheels came off.

Starving. Tired. I broke down and we got Pei Wei. Mongolian Beef! Egg Rolls! Crab Rangoon! It was GLORIOUS!

It was a moment of desperation and weakness. I will pay a small pentence tomorrow by not going 100% bananas. I'll just go like 98% bananas.

Jour de Farce is hours away! Don't forget to catch the Twitter feed @LonghornLukeTX

Day 17

Even with moving some small stuff, I managed to stay pretty solid today.

Breakfast:
Taco Shack Bfast Bowl - refried beans, eggs, bacon

Snack:
Bacon-wrapped quail tenders
Chimichurri quail tenders
One bite of a scratch made buttermilk biscuit

Lunch:
Chipotle Barbacoa Bowl
Barbacoa, pinto beans, pico, peppers, guacamole
(PS do not eat prior to multiple trips up 3 flights of stairs)

Dinner:
REPEAT Texas Land & Cattle Trio - steak, chicken, shrimp, broccoli, and salad

Tomorrow may be a little more difficult when we actually move.

Day 16

Today was a better day.

Breakfast:
(from Taco Shack)
Bacon & Egg Taco
Bacon & Bean Taco
-I scraped all the stuff out of the tortillas. It was sad.

Lunch 1:
Arugula salad with tomato

Lunch 2:
Chik-Fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Salad

Snack:
I slow grazed low sodium almonds all throughout work and fell asleep as soon as I got home.

Day 15

The struggle is now getting difficult. With moving, we haven't really gone to the store, or had time to get creative cooking, and as previously mentioned, eating out (quickly) is really tough.

Breakfast:
3 whites + 2 yolks (lame, I know)

Lunch1:
Tuna with a little mayo and dijon

Lunch 2:
Leftover pork with a salad

Snack at work:
Peanuts

Late Dinner:
Peanut butter and celery

I felt pretty cruddy yesterday. Not sure what the cause was. I don't want to blame the diet, because it seems like I would have felt cruddy the whole time I've been on it. It was a pretty calorie deficient day, but I felt like crud before I was really low on calories. Hopefully it was just allergies. We'll see!

Day 14

Like I said yesterday, this is moving week so it's a little weird. There will be a good bit of eating out probably, which is wildly difficult on this diet.

Breakfast:
2 eggs
Black beans
Salsa

Lunch 1:
Chicken tortilla soup (frozen from last week)

Lunch 2:
Quizno's Honey Mustard Salad
-No cheese, and I dipped the fork in the dressing as I went to minimize intake.

Dinner:
Texas Land & Cattle
-Steak, chicken breast, shrimp, broccoli, dinner salad

Snack:
Popcorn
Diet Cream Soda

Day 13

Business as usual.

Breakfast:
2 eggs
Black beans
Salsa

Lunch:
Wendy's Spicy Chicken Caesar
The dressing was surprisingly low cal and low sugar. I did not realize that the chicken was fried until I got it home, but it was only like 4 pieces.

Snacks:
Peanut butter
Sunflower seeds
Carrots

Dinner:
Pork loin
BBQ pinto beans
Broccoli slaw
Diet Cream Soda

This week is going to be extra tough since we are moving. I'll let you know how it goes!

Jour de Farce #2

Not quite as ridiculous as last Saturday, but strap in, here we go!

Kerbey Lane Eggs Francisco
  english muffin, scrambled eggs, avocado, tomato, bacon, QUESO
Blueberry Pancakes
Coffee
Grapefruit Juice
Six pack of Snack Size TWIX
Lasagna
Bruschetta
Ciabbata
Green Salad
Doritos
Coke
Cheeseburger with Pork Added
Pork Taco
German Potato Salad (recipe to follow)
Lone Star
Red Bull Zero
Cinnamon Sugar Cookies
Glass of Milk

I came in right at 5,200 calories. Not quite as junky as last week, but I still feel it was and impressive showing. Don't forget to check out the Twitter feed for tantalizing diet pics and ridiculous Saturday stuff @LonghornLukeTX. It's back to business tomorrow.

As promised, my German Potato Salad recipe (15-20 servings):

5# red potatoes, boiled, chilled, larger diced
1/2 bunch celery, small chop
1/2 red onion, small dice
1.5# bacon, cut to lardons, rendered crispy, fat reserved
1 bunch flat Italian parsley, chopped

Dressing:
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup sherry vinaigrette
1/2 cup reserved bacon fat, room temp, not solid OR hot
1 cup extra virgin olive oil
salt and pepper to taste



Put dressing ingredients in a mason jar and shake it until emulsified. Pour over the rest of the ingredients. Add salt and pepper to the whole salad to taste. Do yourself a favor and make it the day before the event. It's even better the next day!

Day 12

Who would have thought that my little ol blog could be so inspiring? I've already had three people tell me that they've either started the diet, are about to start the diet, or have been influenced by my diet. That gets me even more pumped to continue on! I will also work on being even more creative with the meals. And here's today.

Breakfast:
2 Eggs
Black beans
Salsa

Lunch:
Another bowl of that killer soup from last night

Snack:
Peanut butter

Dinner 1:
We grabbed a bite at Taco C prior to seeing "The Dark Knight Rises" (we've had tickets for about a month).

Cabana bowl with beans, chicken, pico, guac, and lime.

Snack:
Popcorn (it was a movie!)

Dinner 2:
At Red's Porch after the movie
Shrimp Borchette (bacon wrapped w jalapeño)
Green beans
Side salad
Gin & soda

Overall, a decent day diet-wise. In 8 hours or so, the Jour de Farce begins. You're gonna want to see this one!

Day 11

I really phoned it in on breakfast today:
3 eggs and some salsa. Boo.

Lunch:
Grilled quail tenders w Cholula
Arugula salad

Snack:
3 tablespoons of peanut butter

Dinner:
I made a big ol pot of Chicken Tortilla Soup with no cheese or tortillas for me. Summer got cheese. This made me angry.

I think I'm gonna make some popcorn - stove top, not microwave. This way I control what goes in it.

I miss dessert. And cheese. 1 more day.

EDIT- here's a recipe for the soup:

2 quarts chicken stock
2 cups water
1/2 onion
1 carrot
2 stalks celery
1 zucchini
1 squash
1 bell pepper
^ all small diced
1 ear of corn, cut off the cob, save cob
1/2 jalapeño, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 can black beans, drained & rinsed
1/2 bunch cilantro
1 can rotel, drained

Sauté all veggies but beans, corn, and cilantro in a large pot with salt, cumin, and a little olive oil. Add everything else, including corn cob.

Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer for like an hour or so WITH THE LID ON!! Otherwise the liquid will evaporate.

Remove the cob. Check again for seasoning. Garnish with chicken, avocado, cheese, tortilla chips, and/or a lime wedge.

Day 10

Breakfast:
Eggs
Peppers
Tomato
Black beans

Lunch 1:
Tuna with celery and pickled watermelon rind

Snack:
Salad of bibb, arugula, grilled radicchio, lemon juice, herb vinaigrette

Lunch 2:
Pork loin and edamame with chipotle steak sauce
Diet Cream soda

Late Dinner:
Chicken Tortilla Soup (no tortilla, no cheese)

Weight readings are tracking pretty good so far. I know I shouldn't be checking day-to-day, but it's hard not too, and it's becoming pretty encouraging! Only 2 days remain to the next "Jour de Farce" (Day of Stuffing) - it turns out that "Feast Day" is some sort of Catholic holiday, so it seems wrong to associate it with me stuffing myself. These off-days may taper off a bit in ridiculousness, but they will still top out around 5,000 calories, so they'll be fun. Stay tuned!

Day 9

Breakfast:
Sirloin
Peppers
Onion
Eggs
Refried beans
Pico

Snack 1:
1 can of Tuna + 1/4 Avocado with salt and lime (DELICIOUS)

Lunch 1:
Salad of Arugula, Bibb, Avocado, and Lemon juice

Lunch 2:
Pork loin with BBQ sauce - I know the sauce has some sugar, but I'm dying to keep it fresh!
Another batch of Kale chips - By now, I've consumed an entire bunch of kale (sans stems) in 2 days.
1 single Starburst Watermelon candy - I feel a binge coming on. This should curb it. Or spark it. We'll see.

At work:
More almonds.....ugh

Late night snack:
Too tired to cook so I had a big ol scoop of all-natural peanut butter (just peanuts)

**EDIT** I wrote this blog up before heading to work. I had that Starburst in my pocket. I carried it there all night, then handed it to a bartender. Thanks to Elliott for the pep talk.

Day 8

First this:

It's a....... from Luke Shaffer on Vimeo.

Now the food.

Breakfast:
2 eggs
Mixed peppers (from the farmers market)
Refried beans
Salsa

Lunch(ish):
I grazed on a half pound of turkey all through lunch service. New menu items make it tough to break for a snack.

Snack:
Kale chips
-kale pulled off the stem, tossed with lemon pepper and olive oil with touch of salt, baked at 350º for 12 minutes

Dinner:
Chik-fil-a Chargrilled Salad
No croutons, no cheese, edamame jalapeño dressing

Super calorie deficient today, it was a long, busy day. I will probably even reward myself (for the long day, not the deficiency) with a single Oreo. Also, I dropped 3 pounds this last week. No real visible changes, but that's coming. Tomorrow is back to it for realsies.

Day 7

Not gonna lie. Getting up today was rough. Not that I was hungover from drinking - I was hungover from food. It was a task getting back into the swing after yesterday, but overall I was successful.

Breakfast:
Celery
All natural peanut butter

Lunch:
Chipotle burrito bowl-
Steak, black beans, corn salsa, lettuce, pico, lime juice, guac

Snacks:
Sliced turkey
Pickles
Popcorn

Dinner:
Chicken breast
Spring mix + spinach
Broccoli
Tomato
Edamame jalapeño dressing

Yes. I made the dressing. I put away a good bit of water today too, but I was probably a little calorie deficient. I'll be back in full swing tomorrow. See ya then!

Day 6 - Feast Day #1

First, the food, then some commentary:

Bacon & Egg Taco
Potato, Egg & Cheese Taco
Bean & Cheese Taco
Coke
Krispy Kreme Glazed Donut
Krispy Kreme Strawberry Iced with Creme Filling
Iced Mocha
Slice of Homeslice Pepperoni
Garlic Knot
House Salad
*2 pieces of each:
  Cherry Sour
  Hot Tamale
  Sour Cherry Strips
  Haribo Bears
  Small Pez Pack
*Back to full food:
P Terry's Cheeseburger
Fries
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie
*Wedding reception dinner:
  Beef Tenderloin Slider
  Pecan Crusted Chicken
  Mac N Cheese
  Grilled Veggies
  Chocolate Cake
  White Cake
  Bourbon
  Lone Star

That is how you do a Feast Day. Granted, I went little overboard with sweets and junk, but I'm told this is the case with your first cheat day. According to the My Plate Livestrong app I used to count calories (based on approximations) I topped 6,000 calories.

Today, it's back to the diet, but I'm moving a little slower ;) so we'll see how it goes. I will get plenty of water today, so that shouldn't be an issue.

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @LonghornLukeTX to see pictures of some of my food as it happens and also to see my temptations.

Day 5

Today was tough. I had a wedding rehearsal this afternoon, followed by a rehearsal dinner. This was all preceded by attending a volunteer event for Summer's work. Here are today's foods coupled with today's challenges:

Breakfast 1 (no problem here):
3 whites + 2 yolks
Leftover fajita beef, beans, and onions
Pico

Breakfast 2 (at the volunteer event):
Eggs, bacon, pico
These were actually the insides of two breakfast tacos. I sadly discarded the tortillas they came in :(


Lunch-ish (still at the event):
A whole bag of beef jerky (totalling 45g protein)
I know jerky has some sugar in it, but I passed on pizza, popcorn, doritos, and sno cones to get here, so BACK OFF I'M STARVING!

Dinner (rehearsal dinner):
At this juncture, I'm starving. They served barbecue:
Sausage
Brisket
Chicken
Beans
I passed on potato salad, bread, cole slaw and sauce (there was minimal sauce served on the meat plates)


I did have two gin and sodas at the after party which I don't think is TOO far off the diet. Tomorrow is FEAST DAY, as it shall henceforth be known. I plan to hit up some serious Austin institutions (Torchy's, Homeslice, P Terrys) in addition to attending a wedding. The bride herself has requested that I aid in ridding them of extra cake. Yes please! Tomorrow's blog my not hit news stands until Sunday morning. It just depends on how many times they play "SHOUT!" at the reception. Stay tuned!

EDIT:
On a more gastronomical note, as an usher at said wedding, I received a gift from the groom:

Yup. That's what you think it is. THE MODERNIST CUISINE full set. It is the ultimate collection of culinary knowledge to date. It's like owning an entire set of Encyclopedia Britannicas, but all about food. Everything from the history of food, to ingredients, to equipment, to technique, to recipes. Y'all better watch out, cause I'm about to be a bad mamma jamma!! (well, even moreso than I already am)

Day 4

No pics here, more of the same.

Breakfast 1:
2 over easy eggs
Refried black beans
Pico

Lunch 1:
1/2 chicken breast
Spring mix and arugula salad
Lemon juice

Work snack:
Coliman put together a little salad for us with bibb lettuce, avocado, shallots, and some other tasty stuff

Dinner:
*WAIT* here is where I explain to you the nightmare that is going to a Mexican food joint on this diet. We were out registering for baby stuff and decided to grab dinner out. Serrano's was right there and I figured, "Why not? I can sub-out the illegal stuff!" Oh the humanity! I ended up with chicken and beef combo fajitas - NO rice, NO torts, NO cheese, NO chips. Only meat, beans, guac, pico, and some grilled onions. Oh the humanity! <-- I know that's a repeat, but wow. I can't tell you what torture this was. Thanks to encouragement from Elliott, and a subtle reminder that in less than 36 hours, I can have anything. The tension mounts.

Late Snack:
All natural peanut butter
Celery

Tomorrow will be interesting I've got rehearsal dinner at a barbecue joint. Challenge accepted.

Day 2

Still going strong on day two.....it's an accomplishment for me so shut it!

Breakfast (repeat of yesterday):
3 whites and 2 yolks
Handful of spinach
Refried black beans
Pico
Coffee

Lunch 1 (cut short w busy lunch):
Tuna w 1t Dijon, pickle, 1/2t mayo
Broccoli slaw w vinaigrette

Lunch 2:
Salmon (leftover from last night)
Pinto beans
Brussels sprouts - about 1 cup shaved, sauteed in a touch of bacon fat and clarified butter
PS. It turns out that consuming a large amount of cruciferous vegetables right before serving food to people is not a swell idea, FYI.

Work snack:
Handful of raw almonds

Late dinner:

2 eggs over easy
Half of a chicken breast
Half of a Roma tomato
Sriracha

In addition to all of this delicious food, I consumed well over a gallon of water today. This is definitely difficult, but not impossible. I do miss grabbing cookies here and there and bread. Sweet, sweet bread. Saturday can't come quick enough. I just may embarrass myself. Stay tuned!

Day 1

So it begins.

Breakfast 1:
3 egg whites + 2 yolks
Handful of spinach
1/2 cup refried black beans
Pico
Giant glass of water
Coffee

Breakfast 2:
Lentils (cooked with andouille and chicken stock) + 2 eggs
Broccoli slaw with arugula and vinaigrette

Carrots and celery until...

Lunch:
Same lentils but no eggs
Same broccoli slaw but no arugula

Dinner:
Salmon with Dijon and dill
Pinto beans (mashed to basically refried beans)
Big ol spring mix salad w brocolli slaw, celery leaves, cilantro, tomato vinaigrette
Unsweetened decaf iced tea

Gonna try to make tomorrow more interesting, but my Breakfast 2 and Lunch are consumed at the restaurant, so they need to be quick.

4 Hour Body? We'll see.

So this blog is about to get weird. *Flashback to July 4th* We head over to Melody and Saul's for a little get-together with them and Natalie and Elliott and their respective offspring, Jonas and Olivia. As per "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" protocol, the fellas meandered out by the grill. Elliott starts talking about this book he's been reading (The 4-Hour Body) and the accompanying diet he and Natalie had just begun, the Slow-Carb Diet.

He regales the tale of the author, whose done some pretty incredible stuff, and I'm intrigued and ask him to send me a copy of the book. He does and I start reading. I smell the Kool-Aid. I sip the Kool-Aid. I'm now covered in Kool-Aid.

So for the next 30 days, I will be on this Slow-Carb Diet and will share it in it's gory detail with you, here. "What is this "Slow-Carb Diet", Luke?". Well, it's not exactly a NO carb diet, but it's pretty low. The meals are comprised largely of Greens, Beans, and Lean Proteins - it helps that it rhymes. I'll basically eat every 4 hours meals that include proteins: meat, eggs, fish; legumes: lentils or beans; and vegetables: duh. The basic 5 rules of the diet:

1) Avoid "white" carbs (all grains, pastas, sugar, etc)
2) Eat the same meals over and over again - repetition prevents stray
3) Don't drink calories - no milk, cokes, or fruit juice
4) No fruit - fruit = fructose = sugar
5) Take one day off per week and go nuts.

Yup. You read rule 5 correctly, and this was the one that really intrigued me to this program. Once a week, LITERALLY eat WHATEVER YOU WANT. This dude in the book says he'll consume as much as 5000 calories on his off day. Sometimes he'll almost make himself sick. This gross display of binging A) makes the thought of junk food sickening for the next 6 days and B) aids in fat loss. Wait....WHAT?! From the book: "Paradoxically, dramatically spiking caloric intake in this way once per week increases fat-loss by ensuring that your metabolic rate (thyroid function and conversion of T4 to T3, etc) doesn't downshift from the extended caloric restriction."

I'm gonna give it 30 days. I've never gone hardcore into any sort of diet really and this does not seem to be some cockamamie gimmick diet. It's eating well. 4 healthy meals a day. Okay, maybe it is, but I've got to try something! I've got a kiddo en route this November and I'm most certainly in the worst shape of my life. I need to be lean and mean in order to chase this rugrat around.

Hopefully I can make this foray into the healthy delicious and entertaining to read about. If not, My Sunday through Friday blogs will suck, but you're definitely gonna want to the Saturday blogs. If I've been given a license to eat ridiculously on Saturdays, I WON'T disappoint. Stay tuned!