A Turporken Christmas Miracle!

Much to my brother Seth's shigrin, I've rejected the name "Chiporkey" and gone with "Turporken" for the Christmas Eve creation I prepared for dinner last night. I wanted the name to relate to the more well-known "Turducken". So why not just make a Turducken you ask? Duck's are expensive, but most importantly, it's been done.

The Components:
First thing first, the stuffing. I've never been much of a stuffing guy, but the stuffing we used to put in the turkey sandwiches at Haddy's was pretty tasty. I decided I'd closely replicate that: baked some cornbread, rendered some bacon, sauteed red onion and celery in that bacon fat, combined all that with halved white grapes, chicken stock, thyme, rosemary, and sage. Stuffing done. Set aside.

Next up, I trimmed and seasoned a pork tenderloin, and wrapped it in bacon. Set aside.

Then, I pounded out a couple of chicken breasts. Set aside.

Then I had to get them bones outta that turkey! The idea is to separate the skin from the breast without tearing it, then remove the wings, cut the breasts off the carcass without removing them completely, then cut down the backbone, releasing the carcass from the meat. I failed at this task. I mistakenly removed the breasts completely. At that point, I knew I would just have to reassmble a Frankenturkey, as Jerry so eloquently put it. With the breasts off, I clipped the skin off (still in one whole piece), removed the leg quarters, and discarded the carcass. Then I deboned the leg quarters, leaving them in whole pieces of meat.

The Assembly:
Now it's time to assemble the beast. Lay out 5 pieces of butcher's twine parallel to each other on a board. Lay the boneless leg quarters, skin down, on top of the string, next to each other. Layer with stuffing. Next, the pounded chicken breasts. Stuffing. BACON-WRAPPED PORK TENDERLOIN. Stuffing. Turkey breasts. Pull the reserved piece of skin over the breasts. Tie it up! Put it in a pan, jam the wings in next to it, and it should look like this:


















Plastic wrap it and see you in the morning! >> Morning. Oil and salt and pepper the top. It goes into a 300 degree oven for about 6 hours. When it comes out of the oven, it. looks. glorious!

Turporken:













I did not have my 10.5" Togiharu on me, so I went with the ol electric knife and man oh man.













All of the flavors of all of the animals combined was just delicious. Now, had I been able to keep the bird in tact, it would have held together a little nicer, but the flavors were on point.

This was my first meat amalgamation, but will not be my last!

PS. I got a sausage stuffer for Christmas and the BB&B gift card I got should get me a grinder. It's about to be on like Abe Froman (the Sausage King of Chicago).